What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 08:06
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why do men prefer low-maintanence women?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But it wasn’t much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I gave him everything. He said he loved me. Why?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Comes on , in middle age.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
What is the most ridiculous obviously false verse in the Bible?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
How do women feel when they are in love?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Have you ever lied to your family? What were the circumstances?
But, we were locked up after school.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It was going to be , some day.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
What's an underrated/unknown novel or series that you think deserves more attention?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Would Donald Trump's reelection make the world more dangerous?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He knew the spot.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I couldn’t, believe it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I have a "fat pussy" and I'm super self cautions about it. Do guys think it's gross?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She married twice! .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So whats the point in blame.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Put me off passion for life!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She found it foreign!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I waited trembling.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I think the readers, may guess!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She wouldn,t have been !
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She was in good health!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im still living with it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We were not on the streets..
So, i spoilt her more .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We all went to grammer schools
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My life is so biszare .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Who then, do I blame.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Ive learnt so much.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
One cannot live in the past .
All the time i was locked up.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I have no regrets .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I don,t even have a pension.
I write beautiful poetry .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My family never makes their pension either.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Would this be the day?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I will be 64.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was 9 years of age.
She loved him until the end.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was scared of men, in general
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
This is soul school!.
I said to her
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And i lived it daily.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I never cut or harmed myself..
When she asked me how she looked .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was very sick at this time too.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was seconnd youngest,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why did i forgive my father ?
What did i know ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.